Yes my shit stinks

I like to believe that everyone hits some really low, low points in their life's. Points that some people never come back from and for me, I fell into that low a couple months ago. There was nothing positive that entered my mind nor exited either. I do believe in Satan and believe that he had his highest reign and stronghold on my life in those moments. I would be lying to you if I said he didn't have some control over my life, thoughts and actions now. There is nothing easy about exiting a fantasy life and being faced with reality, and for each person that fantasy and reality looks different. For me, I've spent the majority of my life building walls. I couldn't allow myself to get close to anyone. I didn't want another person to reject me, disappoint me,let me down, fail me, abandon me, Short change me, make me feel unworthy, left alone, allow me to feel not good enough and unloved. So, unknowingly I took advantage of everyone that came into my life. I walked around with this chip on my shoulder and revenge in my heart and everything I didn't want happening to me, I realized that I made the people who truly loved me the most feel all those things.

When my eyes where finally opened, some months ago, a new pain entered my life. I realized that the destroyed became the destroyer and I don't think I can ever verbally express the pain received from both extremes. Evil had finally taken over my life and I was in turmoil. I will argue that mental pain is harder and hurts much, much more than physical pain. I hurt the person I love the most and broke down the best friend I ever had because I gave into the lies. I cannot express more how truly, truly sorry I am for my actions. I can't take anything back and I can't change the events of time either, Oh how I wish I could.

Here's the thing, I can't move forward if I can't let go. I will always feel this regret and pain if I can't forgive myself. Same is true for those who've done me wrong. The truth is, we are all human and all our shit stinks :-). On occasion we will meet people who share the same poo as us and those who think their poop smells worse. To our creator, all our crap smells like roses.

I am so thankful for second chances. I'm able to make things right and be the person I know I am and should have been all along. If your reading this and someone stands out in your mind, don't turn your head down to second chances.... You never know when you might want one.

I love each and every one of you... Your are very special to me