Screaming from somewhere With-in

Not one day is the same, every morning I wake up I feel differently than the day before. As I wrote that I got this thought, Every day is changing, every emotion and feeling. I go to bed knowing tomorrow is going to be different, but I'm not afraid anymore. Could it be that I have finally completely given my fear of change to God? I see it getting easier and easier as I wake up to a new morning. I think that's how its supposed to be, I think God is constantly creating new days for us while we sleep. After all we wake up to a brand new day each day we get the privilege to see another one. God is constantly at work in this world and in each individuals life with-in it. This blows my mind just thinking about how powerful and big God is, and I all to often put him in this little box forgetting about his power.

I started writing this post because I'm still dying inside, Its just the weirdest feeling and that's the only way I know how to explain it. I feel okay, happy maybe or if I could say normal I would but I know normal comes in all different colors and sizes. But I still have no energy, I forget things the moment I set them down, I have to force myself to do anything. I know some of you might say, "well thats normal" my response to that is, yes this is normal every once in a while but not every single day. It feels so weird because I feel like my heart and mind are having an argument. My heart (keeper of my emotions) wants to play and be giddy, but my mind doesn't know how to keep up. I feel like I'm trapped inside this happy shell screaming from somewhere deep with-in. Whelp all I can say is because I'm only man I don't understand but God has to know so take it God, Erase these thoughts from my head and heal this broken body.

I have to acknowledge God by:

1) Listening to him, this means that I have to be quiet and like some commentary's would say- SHUT UP.
2) Depend on Him, I have to depend on him and hand what ever is bothering me over to him. Sit back and watch things happen
3) Give Glory to Him, (1 Chronicle's 16:29) Worship the Lord with ALL your heart. Basically "Dance like no one is watching."
4) Focus on the If- cause if God isn't doing it Good Luck

On Sunday the speaker gave a Formula and I would like to share it with you-

If God Doesn't (fill in the blank)

Then I might as well (Fill in the blank)

For an example this would be one of mine.

If God doesn't give me energy and a kind heart,
Then I might as well do nothing all day, complain and be the biggest jerk alive.

Living like this only show's how hopeless and selfish I am. I can't throw an adult fit every time I feel like God isn't doing something. This should be my response...


If God doesn't give me energy and a Kind heart,
Then I must praise him anyway and keep asking him to teach me how to have these things and Know that he will come through.

I have to drop my name completely and this doesn't mean I have to change my name to something else or request that people not call me Tiffany. This means that I have to completely get rid of my selfish ways, I have to completely rely on God to do everything in my life. This means I have to trust that he is working in my life as well as my family's.

If GOD then just don't worry about it!

Jesus I thank you for who you are, I know you are working in my life and I am so blessed by you. I don't deserve anything from you but you give it to me anyways. So Lord, I want to remind you that this life is yours, My WHOLE heart is yours Lord. Please take it and use it for your glory. Lord You know I have doubts and I worry way too much, I want to give that to you today and I ask that you change my thinking and give my patients. I love you so much, thank you for staying by my side.

Live in Community, Love Jesus, Bring Hope to the World